Thursday, 13 September 2012

12 september

Im getting used to being able to use the college computers. Here's the first post I wrote yesterday.
There are times when I stop feeling like I can achieve my goals. Now is one of them. I’ve just had art so in theory I should be feeling happy. Especially as I have a friend in that class. I remember her from my secondary school; she’s very nice. But there are always those girls in art classes, the ones who are only good at drawing one thing, and therefore will piss about and moan about everything in the lessons. Instead of just getting on with it and giving it a go. They drive me crazy. Always laughing, and because we were working on easels today, I was near the front because I'm short. Which means their laughing is from behind and I freeze up. So I'm feeling antisocial. Sue me.
It is one of my closest friends’ birthday today, and I haven’t seen him yet. The only free we have together is lunch today, and I'm spending that feeling sorry for myself and writing this.
See, this morning I was fine, felt like I could do this, finish college and start uni. God knows I have had more than enough practise at starting new places. I went to so many secondary schools and this is my second college. But now I don’t think I can even make it to tomorrow.

And here's what I added later(:

However, it’s funny the way things can change from the smallest thing. Instead of going straight home today, I went with my mum to visit my sister. That was alright. I asked about getting internet in my flat, but after some research, I really can’t afford it. She and her husband gave me some good tips on getting volunteer work though. I haven’t put them in action yet. I’ll do that over the weekend.
When I got back from theirs, I picked up my post (my key worker was there, it was late! First time ever! I wasn’t sure if I imagined it when I saw people moving in the office when I got back.) when I go in the first thing she said was that the boy who was sitting in there, said I look like a stick. Translation of that was that I’ve lost weight. This made my day so much better. I’ve really needed to lose what I put on whilst with cuntface, who got me fat by not letting me do anything other than sit and watch tv with him and his family, eating disgusting takeaway or other fatty foods, or sit and watch him play his ps3 and feed him snacks. So I was really happy when someone else noticed that I'm getting healthier, when whenever I look in the mirror all I see is the fat girl that’s always been there. Its still nice though(:

And now it's today and I'm just pissed because they have changed my lessons on Thursdays so i have ICT in the afternoon rather than the morning. and I need that extra two hours of an afternoon off, at home, a week. and the worst part is-- I still havent met my tutor and therefore have no one to ask about this.

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