Okay, so food is what I'm thinking about today. Since I began trying out living with my friend and his family (and just so you know, because many people think this now, I am not interested in him in that way, he has a girlfriend, and I can't deal with a relationship at the moment) they have brung to my attention my eating habits. They are the kind of family who sit down every evening and eat a big meal together. They eat breakfast everyday and always have a lunch.
Before I moved out of my mum's house I never ate breakfast, lunch was rare, and dinner? Snacks infront of a tv. When I got my flat at the beginning I was all, fucking hell I have a bunch of money and noone watching what I eat, I can have chocolate dinners!! Ben an Jerry breakfasts!! And after a week I realised that I would get very fat very fast if I did that much longer, plus I was feeling very sick. So I stopped eating in the morning, and had a microwave meal mid afternoon. (previous posts explain why I couldn't use the oven..) And that was it. Yeah I know, not healthy either is it. Well since I moved in there in May, and stopped going to college after my June exams I had a lot of time on my hands, and at this point had decided to spend minimal amounts of money on food and save up the rest of my money. Because hey, who needs food?
Then I started going on long walks with my older sister and spending time with her, and it's her influence that started me trying to eat healthier. So I spend two weeks of food money on fruit and low calorie foods, and then I started going out and walking/running by myself.
When I started college I realised I couldnt go from six in the morning to half six in the evening without food. I started eating breakfast. Which I don't remember ever really doing before. And now because I have decided I need to save up all my money, I have cut back on my food intake and am just eating when I am very hungry, and I'm only eating good things.
I have a very small intake of food, but I like it that way. I do not like people trying to dictate what I eat. It is one of my absolute most hated things.
Whenever i relent and let my mum take me tesco shopping, she will look at what I'm putting in my basket and critisice EVERYfuckingTHING in there. And if I look in her trolley; all cake and chocolate. If I stay the weekend at hers she has lots of bad foods there. I'm not sure if that is really what she eats all the time, or whether it is to try and tempt me into seeing her more often. Either way: not good. I spend every day stopping myself from eating sweet things. It is very difficult having people tempt me all the time. Sometimes, I wish someone would just say, well done for not having that giant pudding I have laid out for you, well done for eating that meal I put out for you, I know you don't like to eat lots. Instead of telling me to eat more.
At college these days I usually go down to the village and buy some fruit for my lunch, because anything I take with me gets squashed under all the stuff I have to bring in with me, and because I spend all my free time doing my work (or admittedly writing my blog) it's nice to have a break and walk somewhere, and to have a reason to walk anywhere.
So there. I DO eat. I work. I survive