Monday, 3 December 2012

Hate the blog - Love the tree

I fucking hate my kind of blog. Not my particular blog; mine is so awesome it shits flies every time you visit my page (see what I did there? because of my background... no? fine *sadface* bollocks to it. I'm fucking hilarious. I make me laugh all the time. Seriously, you should have seen me today. I was OFF THE WALLS.)
But yeah, after reading around some other people's blogs, I have found that some people just don't have my awesome natural talent for writing. Their blogs are just.... boring. And then I decided to go and read my own blog to see how mine compared... And I remembered why I never read over what I write down in this, what I like to call, creating space. Writing is creative.
Because I found that I really bloody hate everything I write. 
But I decided that I really am too awesome to be boring, and that I must hate everything I personally write because I... hate my own life? Yeah, let's use that reason.
Yeah no, I really don't like reading over what I have written (that being the reason for any and all mistakes I have made in posts) because I end up thinking over and over what I have written and believeing that it just isn't good enough.

And then I remembered that this blog isn't for you. Not really.
( by you, I totally mean YOU who called it boring. Yeah I know about that twinklepie; I tend to know about it when people talk about me behind my back.)

As a side note here, I fucking love my insults.

Yeah, this blog is for me. I like writing, and I like(d) having someone(thing) to tell my day about to, because whilst in my flat I totally felt alone most of the time, and being able to write and post it later on here made me feel a bit better. And now I've moved it still helps because I still have no idea if I can hack it here.
I am so confused about living here. Lots of things aren't what I thought they were going to be, and a LOT of the time I wish I still had my privacy and space.
I need my space from the world.
I'm not used to people being around me all the time, and I don't know how much I like it.
It is having strange effects on my time spent at college, and half the time I feel like I'm screaming inside. I have also noticed bad habits making a re-entrance into my life which I managed to rid myself of more than a year ago, and it is weird to think that I got through one of the worst years of my life (there have been many, but this last year, just, wow.) yeah, I got through the worst year without them, but something that was supposed to be a good thing has bring them flooding back to me.
But I feel like I should end this post on a smiley kind of note because it isn't as though I feel sad at the moment, I just feel kind of.. um, stuck I guess. Like held in. Caged up.

So the happy note you ask?
I managed to babysit my almost-eight-month-old niece for hours yesterday and nothing bad happened at all. I totally rocked that joint. And when my sister returned, I decorated her Christmas tree with the decorations she made and I painted else when. Here is a photo.
I am so fucking cool.

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