Thursday, 28 February 2013

Smoking Dragons

Recently a lot of people have been asking me that question. The 'Why do you smoke?' question.
Well, here are my ten reasons for why I smoke:
Before you read them though, I want you to know that I am not addicted to smoking. I just don't find it addictive in any way. I had my first fag back when I was eleven, and I didn't care much for it. Probably because my friend gave me one that she had hidden between some bricks before school, and I just didn't understand it. I still don't like rollies. Throughout secondary school I tried smoking various times. In year eleven I used to nick my friends just because I wanted that lightheaded feeling so that I wouldn't have to think for a while. The main reason I never started smoking myself, was because I didn't have the money. Now I do.
But yeah, it's not an addiction for me, it's a comfortable habit. One that I like and that I don't want to stop yet, because of these reasons:

1. The fags I smoke taste nice. With or without lighting it, it simply just tastes really nice.
2. The ones I buy are the least bad for you. They are about seven pounds for a pack of twenty, which is on the slightly more expensive side of things, but they are less bad for you than a brand like marlborough reds. My brand have less toxins in them, which while still not being good for you, are better than the other brands you get.
3. It's social. There's no way around that. No matter how isolated you make a smoking area, it will always be social. You can start a conversation with anyone when you're both having a nice fag. When I don't want to smoke alone because my friends are off elsewhere, I'll ask someone near me if I can borrow a lighter, and start a conversation with them then.
4. It's very relaxing. If I'm having a stressful day (happens a LOT) when I sit down and have a fag, on my own or with others, I am instantly relieved from my stresses. I worry less and I'll feel more able to cope with the problem
5. Not only does it relax me itself, it gives me those five-ten minutes to think over my problem and work out a good solution
6. Actually helps with my travel sickness. On a bus, I will feel travel sick if the heaters are on, if I'm upstairs, if I am sat on the lower deck in the front seats, especially if they are sideways. The best place for me to not feel sick is downstairs on the seats just before the back ones. Usually the non-drivers side. Having a cigarette just before the bus leaves, I don't know how or why, but it helps me to not feel sick. It doesn't always work, but it'show I've been managing the bus journeys to and from college this year.
7. It occupies time. When I have to wait for something, for instance a bus or for someone to finish up something, I never used to have anything to do to occupy myself before. I never used to know what to do with my hands. Now, I'm like, okay, They're going to be at least ten minutes, I'll have a fag while I wait.
8. It stops me from being hungry. That's an awful reason. Hear me out. When I am at college and I haven't bought any food with me, and I don't have any money, it is very useful to have a tool that will prevent me from being hungry until I get home or I can blag someone into lending me some money, or I can nick someone's chips.
9. I can bargain with myself with fags. I can control exercising and eating better. I can tell myself, if you go for a run that lasts more than an hour, you can have a fag next time you want one. Or if I want to eat something bad for me, like chocolate, I make myself decide between fags and chocolate. I usually choose neither on those occasions, because it's usually a case of having to go outside for either of those, and it's been cold recently.
10. Because of the last two points, I have lost more than a stone over the past month.
And lastly,
11. I can blow smoke out of  my nose and pretend to be a dragon.

Which reminds me, Kieran the dragon turned up at mine the other day, I was shocked to see him. He never calls beforehand. I wish he had though. It seems he has found himself some new friends. They're not dragons, oh no, they're rats.
He turned up on my doorstep the other day, and barged on in before I could say anything, six brown rats with glimmering eyes lined up behind him, smirking at me as they went past. Kieran settled himself on my couch, and set to work entertaining himself and his friends by setting my coffee table on fire with his fire breath. The rats all found places to squish themselves around Kieran. I guess they get around by clinging onto him as he flies.
I still don't know why Kieran turned up at my house. After I put out the coffee table fire, Kieran sent the rats out of the cat flap and he fell asleep. I didn't know what to do. In the end I pulled out my air conditioner, and set it to 'complete ice'. I positioned it to face Kieran, and within seconds, he was in a block of ice.
He's still there. I just didn't want him wrecking more things in my house! I don't know when the rats will be back. I don't know what to do with Kieran as of yet. I guess I'll need to get rid of him before the rats get back.

Sunday, 24 February 2013

I scarred people.

Has been ten days since I've written.
I think I have been waiting for some kind of inspiration.
Well, as Henri Matisse said "Don't wait for inspiration; It comes while one is working."
Which I have always remembered from when  I did some artist research that included him from my GCSE art. I must have forgotten for a little while there.
Well, it's not like I've been lacking inspiration really.

My half term has consisted of me abusing my friends and scarring them.

Don't worry, not literally(:

I have chosen my topic for my art exam, and the theme is 'Catastrophic Events'
To me, unlike everyone else apparently, this says all the emotional things that scar us, and the physical things that can scar a person and the way this can be shown, rather than the natural disasters that my teacher decided to interpret from this.
For me, things that are truly catastrophic, are those that are closer to heart, rather than a hurricane half way across the world. I guess I just felt like I couldn't put any real feeling into a natural disaster piece, simply because it is natural.

So I took a few friends, those whom I knew already had some physical scars (who shall always remain anonymous because, well, it's their scars,and I made sure you can't tell who they are from the pictures. Some of these were better scars to use than others)
And then I put fake burns and scars on some friends too.


Remember that guy I mentioned a few times recently?

He allowed me to put some on him as well.
I took him well out of his comfort zone (everyone should leave theirs at least once a week really. Once a day is even better) I got some really good photos.
He was very tolerant to my making him walk topless around town; making him sit in the same position for ages at a time so that I could get the perfect shot. It was all worth it.

I don't always set my boyfriends on fire... But when I do, the photos always come out gorgeous(: *


After all this, I ran my friend over in a car and took photos of her.

AND here's the proof that I didn't really run anyone over, she's smiling (because a group school children had just walked past and we had scarred them (probably) for life.)

So that was my half term.  Now I'm justavoiding going to sleep because I don't want to go back to college yet.
It's been a nice week; relaxing.
Except for all the stuff with my bike
But that's a whole other post.

So I guess the only thing left to do is thank everyone  that has helped me with my coursework by letting me put glue all over them and bug them into staying still enough for me to take lots of photos. And a pre-thankyou to those who will be my next victims(:

Until next time.

NB at no point whatsoever did my boyfriend catch fire. We were careful and safe with it. The centre of that ring was bloody hot though, I tried sitting in it after we were done, like wow. I don't know how he managed to stay in there for so long. Oh wait, yeah, it was because I had him at gunpoint.

Thursday, 14 February 2013

Valentine's shit.

Challenge - write a story every week or month or couple weeks or just on some kind of regular basis.
Because we all know I'm a bit unreliable with regular posting and such.
So here we go - first story in my challenge. Sort of sticking with the valentines day theme here.

I was huddled up under a dismal and dying cherry blossom tree. A young woman walked her dog past me like every Wednesday. As always she noticed me curled up and shivering in the early hours of the morning. She just kept walking her Pomeranian puppy and singing summer songs in the early spring sunshine. Right on past me. As usual. I snuggled back under the blanket. Just as I was shutting my eyes, I saw a boy walking behind her. He looked at me and he saw me. Like really saw me. Before I knew it I had stood up and walking over to him.
He didn't break eye contact as we walked towards each other. It was clearly love at first sight. I felt like he knew me already. Inside and out. There was nothing I wouldn't have done for him. I knew he felt the same. How could he not. I came to halt in front of him. He gazed deep into my eyes. Without speaking he grabbed my hand and walked me into town. I don't know what was running through my mind right then. It's all so crazy and different and new. Never would I have thought I would be doing something like this.
We found ourselves in Costa. We didn't buy anything. He put his giant backpack under the table. I'd left all my things with my tree. It's always safe there. We chat. Hours go by. We are left unnoticed and untouched by the world. the story of my life. The story of his.
I can feel it and i know he can too.
We are meant to be.
Before we know what's happening it's closing time and we are kicked out. That always happens.
Slowly we make our way back to my tree. We stop and kiss multiple times. I know he wants me. I want him too. We reach the tree and kiss again.
Out of nowhere a platypus drops down from the fading sunset sky, and falls right on him. I'm screaming. In a moment of troubled thoughts I push the platypus away and start pulling at the boy's flesh. I don't know why but I ate some. I was so hungry. I ate him all. I couldn't help myself.
I look in shock at what I have done.
Only option is to bury him under the tree.
I go to sleep, happy.

Hope everyone had a nice day today.
Kieran the dragon stopped by today and shat all over my day.
I'm kidding.
But I'm not very into valentine's day.
I babysat and worked today. Have got the boyf staying over tonight though.
Yeah, that picture to the right; that is the card I gave to that guy I call my boyf. Because I'm awesome. It's characters from Adventure Time.

And this is the outside and inside of the card that he in turn made me(:

Now fuck off.

Thursday, 7 February 2013

Needed to write

Alright so I really feel like writing.

Actually, fifteen minutes of staring at the blank screen after writing that gives the assumption that actually, I'm just feeling a little lost.
I've felt funny all week. What's horrible is that I keep forgetting what set me off feeling funny, and then I remember all over again. And I feel worse.
It actually happened whilst at Funeral for a Friend, I'd very much love to write on here what it is. However, it is a very private and sensitive matter that I don't want everyone I know knowing about. Well, the actual thing did not happen at FFAF, but what did happen was that I found myself in the exact place that stuff had happened just before we went to the gig and I got all stressed and wasn't able to breathe too well and almost had a panic attack.
But I took control of it and forced it down and now it's like little bits of it are coming back up and making me feel very tired, scared and pretty crazy if I'm honest. I wish this hadn't of happened. Well, I'm kind of getting to be okay with the actual thing that happened. And by okay, I mean I'm managing to live with it and realise that It. Was. Not. My. Fault. What I mean is I really wish that I hadn't been reminded so harshly at such an inconvenient time.
Specially as it just sent me crazy this past week. At the gig I can't tell you how many cigarettes I got through to try and calm me down. And this week. At the gig I got rid of some anger by just shouting and dancing and shit, a lot harder and better than I would have ever done otherwise.
Of course my everyday time isn't spent in a way where it is acceptable for me to scream. So I've been smoking a lot, and just feeling crazy.
I cried a lot on Monday. Because of this and other stuff.
I'm exhausted but I can't sleep. I'm happy but I'm sad.
The one I call my boyf has barely spoken to me since I turned up at his with no where else to go and in tears. It was awful and it was my last resort to be there. I wish he hadn't seen me that way. However, I suppose in a way it can be called a good thing because the way he plays it next time I see him I suppose will show me whether or not I should be with him. Cause I think I'm still pretty fragile, but I do know I can handle being in a real and decent, happy relationship.
So I guess we'll see.

Funeral for a Friend post (kinda)

So a lot of you have been checking my blog the last few days, well, more people than usually when I don't post it to facebook, which I am putting down to my last post where I mentioned that I was going to see FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND which a lot of people have misunderstood as me going to an actual funeral. Which is fun.
So yeah, I had been meaning to write a post about it but have been having a stressful couple of days and the other day I felt so rubbish I didn't feel like moving but hey ho, everything is shitty but I'm still fookin smiling so shutthefuckup
Now, I'm feelin' alright, let's talk about funeral for a friend
Which was amazeballs
I went with that guy that I mentioned in another post, the Red Squirrel, and a friend of hers that I don't know particularly well.
So we all head off and spend aaaages waiting around for six because we couldn't get in before then because me and the red squirrel aren't 18 yet so couldn't just go and wait in the bar.
Inside we still had to wait ages because support acts weren't scheduled to start for a while yet. The boyf kept buying drinks (which I nicked and drank as well because I couldn't have my own because of the whole being underage deal)
Basically I really don't feel like writing about this atm, so the only other thing I'm going to say about it was that it was fucking amazing, I had a really good time, they played my three favourite songs and I got very sweaty in there.
Tbh it was really my first proper gig The only other gig I've gone to was and Electric Six gig a couple years ago with an ex, and we almost didn't go because it had snowed very badly, and it was pretty empty whilst we were there. The whole experience of having so many people squished up together, throwing each other around and dancing like crazies was so exhilarating that it has inspired me to buy tickets to go and see Killswitch Engage who are another band I like, and possibly a couple other bands if I can squidge the money together. However those other ones that I may go to would simply be for the gig feel rather than the bands because I've not really listened to any of them yet
And of course I've got my tickets to go and see P!nk in April (still haven't fully decided who's going with me)

I've felt very sludgy so far this week.
Was horrible at the beginning. Haven't spoken to the boyf much, don't know what's going to happen with all that. Got some interesting news on the frontier of relationshipy stuff that has thrown me off and gotten me mad and god knows what else I'm feeling about it. But I do know that I really don't want to be going back down that road. If I have learnt anything in my life it is that going back to things always seems to end badly for me. So I'm going forwards and I'm staying happy as I can.

Friday, 1 February 2013


Okay, was going to write about my New Year party thing today because it is a month later and I thought that would be cool. Well, actually I had just been stalling because it's a bit of a rubbish story because it involves that psycho guy (PG) that I went on a date with that one time.
So quick overview - went to friend's house, walked with her to meet other friends went to pg's house for party, drank, he went weird, friend got smashed, I chain smoked like a little motherfucker and then fell asleep on the sofa about five.

NOW, for the more interesting news, tomorrow I am babysitting and going to see funeral for a friend in bournemouth and I am excited. yadda yadda yadda.
My stretchers turned up and I put a 10mm tunnel in my 8mm hole and it hurts like a fucking wankertit now. the ear that I've just started stretching doesn't hurt. Nice.
I took the pink out of my hair.
Going to put another colour in at some point.
This post is not even worth posting to facebook

Sidenote -there's a dude sat on my feet

My legs looked damn sexy today.
I always look damn sexy.
Only reason I'm writing this post is because I know I need to keep writing things here otherwise this is going to fizzle out and not be my thing anymore. This is like my constant and I guess I need one these days.
Fucking hell.
I'm out.