Friday, 30 August 2013

Pricks, blog, photos and a baby(:

So yesterday's post said a lot about what's been happening recently because I wanted to write about it, but not in so many words.. Meaning not a lot of people will really understand what I was talking about.
But I have been neglecting my blog. That was a very obvious point I made.

At the moment I am in a situation where someone who may spread a bunch of personal stuff about me. But I'm not 14 any more - anything they say, well, all they know is personal stuff that isn't my fault and wouldn't be the end of the world if people knew because people aren't as cunty as they were when I was 14.
Basically, the person is a douche for thinking it's going to affect me that much.

So I mentioned in the picture of my last post that I found old photographs of me when I was younger.
I spent years thinking that I didn't have very many photos that were taken specifically of me. Any photos of me were of me in the background of someone else's birthday party or something. I thought that either being the sixth kid meant that my mum just got lazy, or maybe no one really wanted to be taking photos cause it was a weird and rough time for my family I guess.
Then my sister had bagged up photos of us all and gave them to my mum, so I went over and went through them all, and there were seriously only three of me. Everything else of me was me bumbling in the background, or of me and my sister that's closest to my age.
Then I decided to go through the cupboard with all the photos in it; didn't find any of me.
Then I found a bag hidden under a bunch of crap (probably not deliberate) and there was a bag with my name on it - after going through it turned out a lot of the photos weren't actually me - me and my siblings are very hard to tell apart, especially for me because I never saw any of my siblings when they were that young, and partly because my brothers also look very similar to my sisters when they were younger too.
So I found a nice little pocket of photos of me.
And then I went under my mums stairs to find the old framed photos.
There were more packets of photos, mostly of me and my closest to my age sister.
So I finally can see just how adorable I was when I was younger (:

Another note, my closest to my age sister gave birth to a beautiful baby boy a week ago today, so I'm an auntie again!
My sister was in labour for aaages, so it's a good thing that the end result was such an adorable little boy (even if whenever I hold him he farts away - the perks of being a baby huh? )

Until next time losers(:

Thursday, 29 August 2013

Me and my Blog

Oh my dearest Blog, I feel like we never speak any more!

Fearne, you never visit. You never stop by for a chat. Our love is so one sided.

But what do you mean! I write in you, I bring people here to visit and read you... I know I'm not reliable, but I would never leave you completely!

You haven't written in me for more than two weeks. Your posts are so sporadic. When you stop posting, fewer people visit me. It gets lonely. Can you imagine living in such a blue world, constantly, with no one to chat to. You're the only person I can actually talk to. Your the only one who posts in me. People only visit me to indirectly communicate with you.

You think I don't know loneliness my dear Blog? Have you ever actually read any of my posts?

The short ones. I like it when you post pictures. The rest of the time while you write I usually browse through your other open tabs. It's my only chance to have a day out.

Blog, I must say I thought we had a stronger bond than this. Sometimes I wonder if we really know each other at all!

I know you pretty well Fearne. I've read your private Facebook chats. I've watched the TV programmes you watch online. I once had a peak at the type of porn you like. I've seen your pain and I've seen your comfort.

My beautiful Blog, I know you're hurt, but sometimes I have to leave you for a while. Sometimes it's too difficult for me to talk to you; sometimes I let other people dictate your worthiness to me, your companionship and your loyalty. You're always here when bad things are going down in my life.

It's as though you take advantage of me! I could use all of this against you. I could tell everyone your secrets.

Blog, we have our differences and our arguments. But if people were to find out my secrets, well, I wouldn't mind as much as you seem to think.. There's nothing that you can say that will cause anyone of any importance to think of me differently - there's nothing you  can show them that they won't just embrace as a part of me.

I know my lovely Fearney, my little Affy, My beautiful friend. I just wanted to try and show you how much hurt you've put me through. I just wanted you to know.. to feel..

Oh Blog, I know how you feel, I want some people to hurt like they've hurt me too, but, well, it's not worth it.. I'm back now, I'll post in you whenever you want me to! We've been together almost a year now. I'll give you something beautiful for our anniversary.
Bloggy, you're my baby and I tell you everything. Even if I don't say it all outrightedly, it's all here. 
I think you may interpret things wrong sometimes but we're here to stay.

Fearney baby, I'm so glad we could work it out. I know you've had a weird few weeks as well, a lot has happened and I know you couldn't write about a lot of it, but here, I'll throw in a few pictures of the best parts of the last couple of weeks for everyone to see.

Saturday, 10 August 2013

My baby.

I have waited since Christmas to be able to put up a picture of my motorbike.
Well eight months later and he is finally here.

Not gonna lie, that makes it sound like I've had a premature baby. 
No, I've just had a very very late one. And I adopted. Ain't nothing coming out of my vag like that.

There he is.

I picked him up today from his mot, was very nervous about riding, but after two minutes going up and down a road, man it was like I'd never come off of one in the first place. Got back home with him with no problems what so ever.

Monday, 5 August 2013

Living arrangements

So I had this phone call on Friday, from a supported housing establishment close to where I live. When i became homeless at the beginning of the year I had an interview with these people and was put on their waiting list. Every couple months since then they have rung and checked that I want to still be on the waiting list. I've always said yes despite me having a stable place to stay. Just to keep my options open I think. Where I live, if you don't have your own transport like I haven't recently, then you are going to have a difficult time getting into town.
This supported housing place is in the town center, and I actually know someone who lives there. I had seen this person in town recently and she had mentioned that people were leaving again soon, but I didn't take much notice because she's said this before and I've sat about waiting for a call, not necessarily hoping, but waiting for it.
So I was actually surprised when I got a call about midday and they offered me a room there that I could move into in a week. I didn't know what to say, they had wanted an answer. I ended up saying that I couldn't talk right now and could they call back later in the day. I picked a time of day where I assumed I would be on my way home and most likely not have signal, just in case I needed more time to think about it and what not. Which was silly.
Now, this supported housing place is similar to the last one I was in last year, except it is of higher support. Which means I have a curfew. I have to have two meetings a week with a support worker. If I want to go for a midnight run, I can't. Although it is an all female place, it's not just for young people. There are women of all ages there with all different sorts of problems, and I'd have to share a flat with one of these people, who, the likelihood is, I won't get along with.
I need support, but not that high a level of it.
So the only actual reason I would want to live there is because it is in town.
But I sat and deliberated it for a while, I asked my friend who knows best about the whole situation of where I'm currently living, so that they could tell me if overall I was overall happy where I live, which option was best for me and such. And I knew the answer before he said it, and I was instantly relieved when he said that he thought I should stay where I am.
I rang the house back and told them that I wouldn't be needing the room, and they should give it to someone who needs it more than me.
I told the people I live with about it when I got home that night and they didn't mention that I didn't consult them in the decision.they were glad that I didn't decide to move out.

Sunday, 4 August 2013

Writing Changes

For a long time this blog was my coping mechanism, and since writing in it, I have changed, and as I have changed so has my support system. As I have found new ways to let off steam and such. For about a month I have had great ideas for short stories to write, had plenty of time to sit down and write them. But I just haven't been able to write. Not that the words won't come to me; it's not writer's block. I just haven't felt that need to just get the words out of me. Which is also why I've not been writing in my blog. But I want to write. I love it and I'm good at it.
Part of it is that in September I start my creative writing course and that means I'm going to have to do a bunch of writing even when I don't want to so I basically don't want to tire myself out - however, if I did do some writing, in actual fact, I may be lessening the amount of writing I will have to do then.
I just feel that there's is not as much of a purpose writing here as there used to be.
I guess I'll figure out a way.
For all I know, actually forcing myself to write this may spark off me writing a whole bunch of stuff.