This month quite a few people have said how I am the most unlucky person that I've come across. Until now I've been like, but there must be someone else who is unlucky, you just can't think of them at the moment. But I think I'm now agreeing. I can't think of any one of my friends who have had a life like mine. The worst part about this, is that my friends don't even know half of what's gone on in my life.
Right now, it is extremely difficult for me to not go down into that dark place where I just wallow. I keep thinking, it would have been a lot easier if I had just died when I came off my bike. That is actually the truth though. If I had died, I wouldn't have any of these new problems to be sorting out. But I would also be dead. which would be pretty shit after having come through everything I ever have. So I know it's difficult for me looking for positives right now (especially when I'm in so much pain with my jaw as well) But I know that when I've sorted this, I'm going to feel very happy. I'm going to feel very proud of myself for not giving up. And it doesn't matter if I'm the only person who is proud of me, because I'm the only person who needs to be because I'm the only person who has to live this particular life. And I would not want to have someone else live it.
For now, I'm just going to have to sit tight, and keep sucking thin liquids between my teeth. Because I can't separate my teeth enough to even fit the tiniest straw possible through there. And it hurts to suck anything thicker than water (which actually hurts to do as well) through my teeth and then swallow it because my face is swollen, my teeth are being pulled which hurts (more than what braces do guys, so I don't want to hear any of your braces whining any more) and my neck is sore obviously.
I'm actually just kind of achey all over as well.
|You can't see well, but this is before they did anything to my jaw and it's to the side|
What happened when I came off is, I think, that I came flying off my bike and hit my chin on the road before anything else. Even with a fitting helmet that would still have caused damage. I was told off for wearing a helmet too big for me and then they CRITICISED ME FOR NOT WEARING THE OPEN FACE HELMET THAT FITS ME. OPEN FACE. Imagine the damage that would have been cause if I'd worn the open face. Seriously. I would have lost my jaw. I would still have been the most beautiful person in Salisbury, but I wouldn't have had a jaw.
|Trying to open my mouth with the metal plates in|
|This is what's in my mouth|
You can't really see much in this photo but you get the idea. I haven't yet moaned about them having had to put three cannula's into me during my stay. This should involve giving me three holes in either my arm, wrist of hand. Actually, they decided to cause me more pain and not be able to get the cannula's in right, and take an overall number of ten stabs which are dotted about over my hands, wrist and inside of elbow. One hand alone has five holes.